Special Joke Edition- Featuring several contributed articles.

News:
     Last week, the scouts hosted a special meeting for a handful of visiting scouts.  This gave everyone the chance to show off their memorabilia and test their knowledge of troop history by taking a pop quiz.  We are awaiting the results, but the smartest patrol *cough* *Rams* *cough* will receive 3 points for the patrol competition.  The current numbers are:
             Rams 11
             Dawgs 9
             Wolverines 6
             Vikings 4  ....Might want to fix that...
       This week's E-agle is packed full of jokes.  Why?  Because you guys actually sent me some.  Keep it up.  Confucius: we're waiting to here your words of wisdom.  We also need someone to take over the horoscope and weather.  (If you can make weather interesting, we'll GIVE YOU Public Speaking...kidding)

Articles:
      
"Thy Lovely Hills", a Tribute to COI
-By Ryan Bajan

When I first saw you standing there, I felt
Your awesome beauty melt my heart away.
I love to look at lovely hills for help,
To understand the things I cannot say.
The rushing of thy crystal waters, catch
A corner of my eye that glimpses thee.
Your coasting beauty flows without a match,
A sound that forever entertains me.
I look unto thy boughs with love and hope
For you give life and air to all who breathe.
And in the night, your arms give the wings a home
Thy way of life, a root that lives in me.
These roaring hills will always be enough,
To satisfy my soul with wondrous love.

Jokes of the Week:
      Here it goes...

Parking Tickets

I went to the store the other day, and I was in there for only about five
minutes. When I came out there was a motorcycle cop writing a parking
ticket. So I went up to him and said, "Come on, buddy, how about giving a
guy a break? There are no handicapped vehicles in the area. I was only
inside for a minute."  He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I
called him a pencil-necked Nazi. He glared at me and started writing
another ticket for worn tires! So I called him a piece of horse s**t. He
finished the second ticket and put it on the  windshield with the first.
Then he started writing a third ticket! This went on for about 20
minutes... the more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote. I didn't care.
  My car was parked around the corner....

Tonto and the Lone Ranger

The Lone Ranger and Tonto are camping in the desert, have set up their tent, and are sound asleep. Some hours later, The Lone Ranger wakes his faithful friend. "Tonto, look up at the sky and tell me
what you see."

Tonto replies, "I see millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?" asks The Lone Ranger.

Tonto ponders for a minute.

"Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately
a quarter past three.  Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What's it tell you, Kemo Sabi?"

The Lone Ranger is silent for a moment, gently shakes his head, then speaks.

"Tonto, you idiot, someone has stolen our tent."

CUSTOMER SERVICE CALL

This has got to be one of the funniest I've heard of in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the Word Perfect Help line which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for "Termination without Cause."
"Ridge Hall computer assistance; may I help you?"

"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with Word Perfect."

"What sort of trouble?"

"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."

"Went away?"

"They disappeared."

"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"

"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."

"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"

"How do I tell?"

"Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"

"What's a sea-prompt?"

"Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"

"There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."

"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"

"What's a monitor?"

"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a
little light that tells you when it's on?"

"I don't know."

Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord
goes into it. Can you see that?"

"Yes, I think so."

"Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall,"

"Yes, it is."

"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two
cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"

"No."

"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.


"Okay, here it is."

"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer.

"I can't reach."

"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"

"No."

"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"

"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle, it's because it's dark."

"Yes, the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."

"Well, turn on the office light then."

"I can't."

"No? Why not?"

"Because there's a power failure."

"A power... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you
still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"

"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."

"Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it
was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."

"Really? Is it that bad?"

"Yes, I'm afraid it is."

"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"

"Tell them you're too $#@%! stupid to own a computer."

Microsoft Bashing

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the
computer industry with the auto industry and stated,
"If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we
would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon".
In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release
stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be
driving cars with the following characteristics:
1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would
have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut
off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue.
For some reason you would simply accept this.
4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your
car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to
reinstall the engine.
5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable,
five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five
percent of the roads.
6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be
replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning light.
7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.
8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and
refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned
the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how
to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same
manner as the old car.
  10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.

Questions? Comments?   KEEP THEM TO YOURSELF!!!
  Just kidding, send them to me, press the "reply" button, or talk to me at the meeting.